are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
