No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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