I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
