Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
