yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
