dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
