The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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