I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
not ubering you a puppy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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