she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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