Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
