i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
