i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
