2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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