the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
