Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
