she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
