Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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