we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
