If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
