This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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