New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Randomize
