I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
