Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
