The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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