i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
