So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
