He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
drinking out of a sandbucket again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
