I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
