Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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