I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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