I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
