I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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