we're blogging at a bar
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PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
