Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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