Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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