found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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