Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
