So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
