she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
