I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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