He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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