Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
FUCK WHALES
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
