totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
