I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
