Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
