those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
