Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
