Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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