when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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