If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
