new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
