I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
