I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
